Thursday, April 4, 2019

.halle turns twelve.

To my Halle on your twelfth birthday,
I’m still not quite sure how it’s possible that you are this old. That on this same day next year, you will bear the proud title of “teenager,” … the years your Dad and I have been warned about since you were just a wee babe. It’s apparently going to get really interesting when both your sisters get the title as well. We shall see.

Today I reminisced the details of your beginning with a dear friend. Around thirteen years ago I received a call from my doctor’s office. A special doctor, called a reproductive endocrinologist. I hope you never have to see one of these guys. We had been trying, unsuccessfully, for almost four years to start a family. We had tried every trick, drug and procedure in the book. And without a hitch, we failed, successively, reminded freshly each month. All this despite so many prayers, so many tears, daily injections, weekly blood tests, really awkward and painful procedures and a whole lot of money. Mother’s Day was awful and baby showers were so very hard. I remember distinctly, giving out medications at work one day, and hearing about a co-workers accidental pregnancy. It literally took my breath away. So deeply we longed for you.

Back to that phone call. I was told by the receptionist that I didn’t need to get my medication for that month’s cycle. The doctor had decided there was nothing more that he could do, my body was simply too broken to make a baby. Another loss of my breath, and tears upon tears upon tears. But…there was something we could try. A cutting-edge procedure…done three places in the world, the closest being McGill University in Quebec. So, we went, did all the things, and flew home unknowingly… with YOU. Dream. Come. True.

That, my love, is your beginning from my perspective. But it is not lost on me that your true beginning had nothing to do with us. Until your Creator breathed life into you, until it was His time for your days to begin, for your story to intersect with ours, we had to wait. And I can’t imagine a first born other than you!! Watching you grow for the last twelve years is just the most insanely generous gift. You have gone from a beautiful newborn stranger, to a spunky, strong-willed toddler. From a painfully shy little kindergartner, to an incredibly brave middle schooler. And while I always be your mom first and foremost, I see glimpses of times ahead when you will also be my friend. I am so proud of you. There is a strength emerging from you that I wouldn’t have predicted. You are so tender, but you have a good dose of your father’s logical thinking (blessing and a curse, baby girl;) 

As your mom, I take the greatest joy and receive the most soothing peace, confident that your days ahead…these crazy impending teen years and beyond… are known by that same Creator who began your story at exactly the right moment.

I love you…I love being your mom. Happy Birthday my Hals.

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